Friday, May 3, 2013
The truth is that I did fail my driving test the first time I took it. Yes, I flunked by one question. The embarrassing part is that one of those questions was, "What does this sign mean?" The question was accompanied by a picture of a yield sign and four answers to choose from. One of the answers was, "Yield to oncoming traffic," but I was certain that couldn't be the correct answer because it was too easy. I just knew it had to be a trick question. So, logically, I chose a different answer. . . and I failed.
Unfortunately, to this very day, I still struggle with yield signs. Not the ones on the road. But rather the ones in my life. While yielding my life to the Spirit may sound easy, it isn't. I know what it means to yield, but I have an awful time pulling it off. I feel like Princess Mia in the movie Princess Diaries: "The concept is grasped. The execution is a little elusive."
More than anything, I want to surrender my life in its entirety to God. I want to give Him my body, my possessions, my money (what little there is), my thoughts, my attitudes, my emotions, and so on. I want everything I do and say to come from Him. I want to be completely under His control. Yet somehow, I always find myself getting in the way. It's like Paul said, For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. (Romans 7:15)
A couple of weeks ago, I thought I was finally getting the hang of it. I had weathered a few storms without worry or fear. Things, while far from perfect, seemed to be rolling smoothly. I felt joy and peace, even when things didn't work out as I had wanted. But then, one disaster after another hit. My computer crashed. Jason's work encountered competition which led to reduced work and, in turn, a reduced paycheck. The refund check I received unexpectedly from the new mortgage company turned out to be a mistake, and they wanted their money back. The Lord gave, and the Lord took away. And as is my tendency during tests, I panicked. The peace and joy fled and were instantly replaced by worry and fear. It seems my "absolute surrender" was short-lived.
I spent yesterday in a state of despair. I was overwhelmed by my doubts. I was frustrated with myself for my lack of faith and failure to yield to the Lord once again. In short, I was miserable. It seemed nothing could snap me out of my depression. Thankfully, this morning, the Lord reminded me of some powerful truths:
(1) God is still in control of all things and always will be.
(2) When I fall, He is always present to pick me up and set me back on the right path.
(3) Even though I have failed Him, He declares that I am an overcomer.
(4) God is a God of second chances. (Just look at Jonah.)
(5) He loves me no matter what!
Oh, and in case you were wondering, that list above is not multiple choice. The powerful truths are all of the above!