"The Warrior Is a Child." There is a reason I chose that particular song. You see, on Monday, I had a bit of an emotional breakdown. I was extremely tired from a busy weekend, and as I faced the prospect of another hectic week, I lost it. As I cried on Jason's shoulder, I tried to explain my feelings and frustrations but, to be honest, I didn't think I was making much sense. Evidently, though, I was because he pulled out his phone, pressed a few buttons, then placed the phone in my hand. He had pulled up a video of "The Warrior Is a Child." As I listened/watched, I cried that much more. The song conveyed the exact message I was trying to get across. So many people look to me for answers and encouragement, and that's fine. But some days, this warrior gets weary and needs some encouragement as well.
While I watched the video, Jason went out to the kitchen to fix me some breakfast. (Is he a gem or what?) When the video was through, I met him in the kitchen and tried to smile. "That's pretty accurate," I said, "although right now I feel like the line should be the worrier is a child." He laughed, and I did too, but deep down I was cringing because I knew it was too true.
This morning, as the Lord dealt with my heart about my tendency to worry, I wondered what Psalm 23 would sound like if David had written it during one of his downward spirals into despair rather than on one of his "up days." (Yes, I know. I wonder about strange things.) Anyway, this is what I came up with. I call it The Worrier's 23rd Psalm.
Anxiety is my shepherd, and I never have all I need.
It maketh me to lie down in sleepless frustration.
It leadeth me beside the tumultuous waves.
It exhausts my soul.
It leadeth me in the paths of despair for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear all the more.
For anxiety is ever with me. The chocolate and caffeine, they comfort me.
Anxiety preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.
It anointest my head with devastating thoughts.
My frustration runneth over.
Surely, despair and sickness shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I shall dwell in the pit of hopelessness forever.
I'm sure we wouldn't hear that passage quoted in many church services, now would we? Unfortunately, it's all too familiar to some of us. No, we may not put it in those words--or any words, for that matter. But we display it by our actions and attitudes.
By adjusting this psalm to the worrier's viewpoint, I ruined it. I turned something beautiful into something hideous. Something comforting into something depressing. I made it exactly the opposite of what God intended for it to be. When we worry, we do the same thing. We turn our lives into the opposite of what God has in mind for us. He longs for us to focus on Him, but we're too busy looking at our problems. We destroy the loveliness and comfort that we could have if only we would trust the Lord.
I was reminded twice recently that if you hold a coin up in front of your face in the right way, that coin can actually block out the entire sun. Our worries do the same thing. They block out the SON. Let's be careful. Worry is a drain on our time, energy, and health. It is also a sin. Trust God today. He's earned it!
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him. - Psalm 28:7